why the drive-thru was a bad idea: part I

a person may be smart. but people? no. people are stupid. get any number of them from 2 to infinity in close enough proximity to one another and they will lose their ability to function as intelligent beings. get any number of them from 2 to infinity in close enough proximity to one another while driving a motorized vehicle.....well, no need to explain. we've all seen the results. 

this principle alone is enough proof that drive-thru's (of any kind) are a catastrophe of an idea. most especially when it comes to a business that at it's very core nature provokes the consumer to the worst kinds of picky, bitchy, tantrum-throwing behavior. glorified drug dealers. thats what baristas are. and the customers? let's put it this way....have you ever seen a bonafide crack cocaine addict who hasn't had his fix in awhile? yeah. that guy is scary. imagine being his bloody dealer, but being all out of SOY MILK!!!!!! er, uh...i mean CRACK!

you get the point...

but even the occasional pleasant drive-thru customers are complete morons. i had a lady just this morning ask for a grande coffee, but wanted to know if she could put her own cream and sugar in, you know, once she got to the window....um. this was me: blink. blink.

uh......how about if you're gonna be that fucking picky, you get your lazy and self-indulgent ass up out of your damn car seat and walk the 13 1/2 feet to the register inside the store that is designated for people who are self-aware enough to know that it's absurd to impose all of their ludicrous and laborious drink modifiers upon the poor, unsuspecting barista behind the counter who is making barely above minimum wage and who is still expected to get your beast of a halfcafventidoublecuppedtripleshotsugarfreeimeanskinnynonfatnofoamtwoandahalffuckingsplendawithwhipandcarameldrizzle latte made "absolutely to perfection, absolutely every time" and handed off in 3 1/2 minutes or less, and save us ALL some trouble and put your own damn 2 and a half splenda(s) in!!!!!!!!

thank you.

sincerely,

skinnylattesdontmakeskinnypeople

p.s.  oh, and by the way, GET OFF YOUR %@!#ING CELL PHONE!!!!